Monday, May 12, 2008

Kevin warns you about cranio-rectal impaction

Disease:
Cranio-rectal impaction (Having your head up your ass)

Symptoms:
Commonly misdiagnosed among the general population, a patient with cranio-rectal impaction will present with gross ignorance of current events or sociopolitical issues yet remain very outspoken. Unlike someone who is simply misinformed, people with CAI will claim to be experts in all fields of knowledge and refuse to acknowledge any information contrary to their own point of view (from inside the rectum). CAI patients are often combative, obstinate and generally annoying to be around.

Etiology and Epidemiology:
The direct cause of cranio-rectal impaction is, unfortunately, unknown but there are several correlative factors. Having a substandard IQ, illiteracy, and being Republican have all been traditionally correlated with CAI. However, recent epidemiological data has indicated a heavy correlation with extreme liberalism as well, thus suggesting a link between CAI and polarizing political views.

Treatment:
Standard treatment for CAI is difficult due to poor patient compliance. Symptomatic treatments via well-supported, cogent, arguments are usually useless, especially in cases of severe impaction. Family and friends of CAI patients are encouraged to take a hands-off approach and simply ignore the symptoms. Anecdotal evidence has suggested that unsuccessful attempts at treatment may exacerbate the symptoms, causing the patient’s head to be firmly impacted within the rectum.

2 comments:

Julia said...

Although still controversial, the lack of insight and cognitive distortions demonstrated by individuals suffering from this disorder have lead some experts to propose a connection to the schizophrenia spectrum disorders...

Arps said...

This should go down in Merck's Manual!!
Oh..wait..is it already there??